Thankful

Still in awe of our God who brought Kate and Ellie to us.  No longer orphans. Cherished daughters.

End of a Chapter

I haven't posted for a while due to the severity of my chemo recovery.  I still feel pretty tired and queasy so this won't be long.  I've decided to end this blog because, frankly, I want this blog to be about bringing my daughters home....not the trial of cancer.  To that end, I have a few words of advice to prospective adoptive parents:
1. God will supply your every need.  He says it in His Word and it is true.
2.  You can trust Him to care for your children....even when you can't see them.
3.  His Word will uphold you during the darkest times (and I ASSURE you they will come)
4.  There is a brief honeymoon phase when your child(ren) come home, when it disappears--hold on and refer to #3 again.
5.  Don't forget to spend time with your loved ones while you're going through the adoption.  It can be an all-consuming process.  Let God fight for you.
6.  There is a God-ordained time that your child will be in your arms.  God knows it, you don't. Rest in that knowledge and find peace.




Ellie would live on a swing if she could

A visit from Aunt Starla and Aunt Jana



If only my butt looked so cute while I was doing laundry!



TV time with their brother

Kate the comedienne

Thanksgiving with my family

1st studio portrait

Their *FIRST SNOW* Love at first sight (and taste :-)

Ready for church this morning! Kate LOVES wearing tights...so cute
















Trick-or-Treating and Doctor's Visit

Ellie-ladybug, Will-Luigi, Kate-bumblebee,
Sam-"The Stig" (need to watch England's "Top Gear" to understand)

"Say a few, dumb words and you get free candy?!?  I LOVE this country!!!"

Chocolate---the universal language of love

So as not to overwhelm them, I dressed the girls in ladybug and bumblebee wings with headbands for their first Halloween.  All day we practiced saying, "Trick or treat!" and "Happy Halloween!" Once they understood that people would give them candy for saying this, we were in business.  We just went to a few houses in our neighborhood before they were ready to head home for a sugar high.
Today my mom and I took the girls for their first doctor's appt.  It was a miserable 3 hours.  We were all sweating profusely from holding the girls down during exams and shots.  I'm sure my mom and I will laugh about it all someday, but today was pretty exhausting.  There were several times I could have bet money that Kate and Ellie were cussing us out in Creole. 
As we were driving to the hospital, I tried to explain to the girls what would happen and how the shots would protect them from sickness.  It reminded me of how God our Father knows that the painful things we go through will be good for us in the long run.  While we may not understand why He's allowing us to experience great pain now, someday we will understand.  Like the shots that protect us from illness--suffering causes our faith to deepen thus protecting us from Satan's attacks.  The verse below reminds us that suffering will happen: WHEN the flood comes.  Still it's sometimes hard to be grateful for suffering--such a foreign concept. 

Today was a "flood day" for me: difficult doctor's appts, challenging homeschooling, spilled milk, girls' potty accidents, surgical soreness, thoughts of chemo plaguing me, etc. By late afternoon, I was in tears and ready to hop in my car and leave.  After dinner, I had a great walk with my husband and kids while enjoying a pink and purple autumn sunset.  God used the fresh air, my husband's smile, the vast sky and giggling children to calm my mind.  

"When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him."

--Isaiah 59:19b  

Still Have To Pinch Myself Sometimes

Tonight as we were getting the girls ready for bed, I realized how long we'd waited and prayed for these "everyday moments" with our daughters.  The night we stayed over at a hotel in Miami (after a gruelling day of travel from PaP and through U.S. Customs and Immigration in Miami) we dressed the girls for bed and slowly realized it was going to be a long night because we had no "bedtime routine."  I quickly made up a song in Creole about how it was time for bed and things were sleeping......the sun is sleeping, Daddy is sleeping, Mommy, cats, cars, Sam, William, planes, etc.  It has since become our routine before bed.  Ellie especially loves coming up with new people or things that are sleeping (Monsieur/Madame President, dolls, Gran, etc.)  She even sings the song to her dollies when she is playing house.  Love my girls xoxo

Ellie would brush her teeth for days if we let her!

Wearing their satin sleeping caps

Ellie and her babies ready for bed

Kate is ready for her bedtime song

Laura Story - Blessings

Life.....As We Now Know It

Their first Sunday, arriving home from church!

Ellie and William

It was with great dread that I clicked on the "new post" icon....I feel so far behind in updates, I don't know where to begin.  As my little girls are sleeping soundly and my husband took my sons out for a drive, I have a few moments to write.  Sorry for the jumbled thoughts and run-on sentences; I don't have time to rewrite or reread what I'm about to write. Here we go!

My surgery went well.  Clear margins, chemo port in place, can't raise my arm or lift/push/pull anything more than a few pounds with my right arm (and yes, I have 4 kids under 10)  My first chemo round will be in mid November. We've had some very painful moments with our kids related to my surgery/cancer talks.  Please pray that God would comfort them.

Kate and Ellie are continuing to adjust to life with a family, brothers, modern amenities, plentiful food, open spaces.  They go to bed at 7:30p and are up at 7:30a (sleeping through the night, praise the Lord!)  Creole is spoken with the girls by me, Mark, the boys, and my parents.  I need to be better about teaching them English instead of trying to always find the Creole word for things. 
The concepts we're working on: sharing (a biggie), not hitting, not flushing the toilet 3 times in a row, not stealing food from plates left on the counter, closing doors on people, etc.
Bonding with brothers: for the first couple of weeks, the girls called their brothers "the little boys" and I kept correcting them by saying "No, they are not little boys, they are your brothers."  There was some hitting and biting as the girls saw their brothers as competition for our attention/affection and also as kids who would steal their belongings.  We still have to be careful not to play loud music or allow crazy wrestling with daddy because the girls get a little nutty (hitting, etc.)  Today we had a fun time at the park. The girls loved playing with their brothers, swinging together, etc. Many times, one of the girls will kiss their brothers on the cheek or cuddle on their lap during TV time. It's definitely improving.  Please pray God continues to bond the siblings together.
Bonding with us: This has been no problem at all.  In fact, to the opposite extreme!  Kate wants Mark's every moment to be focused upon her, to the exclusion of everyone else.  She wants to be carried everywhere and loves to whine to get his attention.  Mark is working on developing a healthy sense of independence in her, but it's still a work in progress.  Ellie loves to cuddle with all of us and, since my surgery, has done very well transitioning to being more independent.
Likes/Dislikes:  mostly terrified of dogs (dogs in tent cities are NOT nice at all), love ice cream anything, after eating anything put on their plates (and ours!) for the first week--they're developing taste preferences, love anything water-related: baths, water fountains, waterfalls, ponds, lakes,  love looking at videos/photos of themselves, enjoy looking through their clothes, like dressing dolls and Barbies, love music, love taking walks in the wagon or stroller, still hoarding all of their things in bags or toy boxes (dislike when anyone goes through them for any reason), LOVE swinging and going on slides, hate carseats/seatbelts

We are all exahusted, but content.  My parents have been helping us a great deal with homeschooling, watching the girls, getting various grocery items and clothing items (I can't push a cart yet....major frustration)  The school staff has been bringing meals every night (unbelievably generous and tasty!!)  Staff members raised some money for our medical bills, and one of our neighbors sold copies of her book of poetry to raise money for our family.  I'm quite literally overwhelmed by the kindness that walks through our front door on a daily basis.  We feel so loved!

I understand why many adoption blogs end when the family brings their children home: life is insane and there's no time! :-)  Most likely, I will be starting a new blog related to my cancer journey--I need a place to vent and be encouraged by other bloggers dealing with breast cancer.  Enjoy the latest photos of our family and our two, newest members!

Making cookies with Gran

Gran on "bath duty"

Morning walk with the family (ever tried putting mittens on a Haitian?!)

  

Our Next Trial

A few posts ago, I alluded to the fact that we had received some surprising and sad news.  We were not willing to risk any slowdown in the adoption process to bring our daughters home, so I did not post the news online.  Now that the girls are safely in our arms and we can close the book on the adoption process trial, I can tell you what we've been struggling with.  A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer.  My family has no history of this cancer, so you can imagine our shock.  I am thankful that God allows us to go through trials to draw us closer to Him and to deepen our faith, but I never considered one trial might overlap the next.  After undergoing a lumpectomy (and removal of clusters & sentinel lymph nodes,) the doctor said that considering my age and that the cancer is large/aggressive enough, the best course of action is a mastectomy.  After a CT scan and bone scan, it was determined that the cancer has not spread.  Thankfully, I had time to recover from my first surgery before we traveled to Haiti.  I chose to postpone the mastectomy until we returned and had a few days helping our daughters settle in.  My surgery is Friday.  I will start chemo (for 6 mo) a few weeks after recovering from surgery followed by 6 wks of radiation.  I should lose my hair just in time for Christmas! 
I am taking it one day at a time.  My friend, Jana, said some days you need to take it 10 minutes at a time.  To complicate things, my youngest daughter, Ellie, has been attached to me since we returned from Haiti.  She just wants me to cuddle, kiss, tickle, sing to, and carry her everywhere.  We spend a lot of time just gazing at each other...smiling.  After all that she has endured in her short, little life, it is breaking my heart to think of how much it may upset her when I am hospitalized overnight for my surgery. 
PLEASE pray for God to comfort my family during the girls' transition and my surgery.  I'm sad that I will lose a part of my body, but it's not ME.  I'm praying that through this trial, others will see in me the life-changing hope and true joy that Jesus brings.  I can say with conviction that I could not endure what we have and will go through without the abiding love of my Savior and the comfort of His Word.  Thank you so much for praying (and if you want to volunteer to bring a meal, that would be great, too!)
         

We're Home (sigh of relief)




 

Just arrived at our hotel in PaP in time to change before dinner



Waiting in Miami Intl Airport (in 2 seconds, both girls will start wailing nonstop until we arrive at our gate--40m later)



Their 1st meal as American citizens--hotel room service in Miami

 The girls are taking a nap right now, so I have a few seconds to update everyone.  We arrived back at our house last evening at 7pm.  My parents, Sam, and William were all waiting in the yard when we pulled up.  It was wonderful to see the girls racing around with their brothers and actually IN OUR HOUSE.  It was such a strange feeling when Mark and I finally crashed into bed....that all of our children were with us under one roof.  Today has been a crazy day of new experiences and lots of laughing, cuddling, squealing, Creole and English words intermingling everywhere.....we've also had some hitting of their brothers, a cat thrown, crying fits over sharing, etc.  They have come from a tent city environment where nothing you have is safe--all of your things get stolen-- so you can imagine their frustration/fear when one of their brothers picks up one of their toys.  They are also hoarding everything!  Their little backpacks are crammed with trash from airplanes, hotel rooms, etc.  We even found a butter knife from the hotel restaurant in one of their bags!  I'm constantly having to empty their bags (when they're not looking) to throw out the trash.  I hear the pitter patter of little bare feet, so I'll write more later.  Thanks for praying!


Patiently waiting at PaP airport (in 2 seconds, Ellie will pee through her dress, socks and onto the unsuspecting backpack on the floor--yes the one carrying THEE documents)



Ready to Go!

Girls' stuff waiting to be packed!

We have spent the past couple of days packing, re-packing ("Sarah, do we really need to bring 3 pairs of shoes for the girls?"--Mark)  Our boys are packed to stay with Nano and Pa. I'm still writing lesson plans for the week.  We've taken care of pet arrangements.  Our housesitter is ready.  We've packed extra copies of important adoption documents. I've hung the girls' bath towels on their hooks, their toothbrushes are in the cup, bubble bath in the tub, pillows fluffed (with satin pillowcases--thanks, Mom!), took the summer clothes out of their closet and replaced them with the fall/winter things......can you tell my mind will not be able to "turn off" tonight? :-)
We sang the hymn "God Will Take Care of You" with the boys before bed.  William said, "The next time you put us to bed,  you'll be putting Kate and Ellie to bed too!"  I've just been smiling all day.  I can hardly believe it!  I won't post while we're in Haiti, but I will when we return. 
Please pray: that we can show God's love to the Haitian people with whom we come into contact, bonding with the girls, smooth passage through immigration, safety in Haiti, health of us and our children (Mark became ill during our last trip, Sam became very ill during our last trip--nothing worse for a mom than to be in another country when your child is sick), that Sam and William will bond quickly with their sisters, that our family remembers the Creole we've been practicing all year.
Mesi anpil!

Praise Where Praise is Due

"I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make known Your faithfulness known through all generations.  I will declare that Your love stands firm forever, that You established Your faithfulness in heaven itself....Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne;  love and faithfulness go before You." --Psalm 89:1-2, 14

Six years ago, I asked the Lord to bless us with another child.  After years of suffering through secondary infertility and praying for God's will to be done, we can now see *with great joy* the plan He had for all of us.  He did it.  He is faithful.  I praise Him.

"Sing to God, sing praise to His name, extol Him who rides on the clouds--His name is the LORD--and rejoice before Him.  A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in His holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families...."  --Psalm 68:5-6

They're Coming Home!!

It's really happening!  I keep pinching myself, but it's true!  The girls' visas were approved yesterday and will be picked up on Friday which means.......WE"RE GOING TO HAITI ON TUESDAY!!  Last night we made all of our travel arrangements and plan to arrive in Port-au-Prince Tuesday afternoon.  The girls will meet their brothers for the first time and be safe in our home on Thursday evening.  Yesterday at the embassy, Kate asked our adoption agent, "When my parents come to get me, I will get to go with them and stay with them forever?"  Mark and I keep staring at each other and can hardly believe it's actually happening.  Last night we went out for pizza with the boys and remarked that this will be the last time we request a table for 4!  Wow.....  I'm a flurry of activity now: packing for Haiti, packing my boys to stay with Nano and Pa, preparing lessons, laundry, camera checking, etc.  When I walked into Kate's and Ellie's room this morning, I couldn't stop smiling.  They're actually coming!!
"Like cold water to a weary soul-is good news from a distant land." --Proverbs 25:25

Verses I Will Take With Me

"The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing."
--Zephaniah 3:20

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear,
but a spirit of power, of love and a sound mind."
--2 Timothy 1:7

Thank you for praying xoxo

"We are pleased to inform you.....

 

...that Katherine and Elizabeth Rickerd are now scheduled for the final visa interview with the Department of State."  

Words cannot express our happiness right now!!  The US Embassy contacted us and told us that our visa interview is next week!!  Sadly, we will not be able to go to Haiti next week, due to a family matter, but we will reschedule the interview for the following week.  So what does this mean?  WE WILL BE BRINGING KATE AND ELLIE HOME the last week of September!!  (pause for cartwheels and cheering)  I can hardly believe it.  I want to be filled with joy, but I've grown so accustomed to roadblocks and delays that I can't seem to bring myself to revel in joy yet.  My sister came to visit today and we spent some time chatting in my daughters' room.  We were laughing together at some of the ratty, 1980's Barbie clothes I saved for the girls; remembering fond Barbie-playing times together as sisters.  We talked about Kate and Ellie; imagined what the room would be like with them IN it.  Now that I know my sweethearts will be home in several days....wow!! I'm speechless.  Praising God for His loving care of all of us.  He is such a great God!

Hooray!!

Today we received *fantastic* news from the DNA lab in California:  THEY MATCH!!  We were so relieved and thankful that our daughters are a 98+% match with Mr. Pierre.  The results were e-mailed to the US Embassy today.  Our daughters also had their visa physicals today; the final report will be issued on Monday.  Marialyn spoke to Kate this morning and she said, "How are the white folks doing?  Why haven't my parents come to get me yet?" 
It was so good to receive bright spots of news today.....just what we needed!  Our ever-hopeful attorney told us to buy plane tickets for next week, but we are more realistic after all of the hoops we've gone through.  Still...it was a great day of celebrating!  Thanks for your continued prayers

Walking Through the Valley

The DNA samples are being examined in a lab in California right now; we hope to have the results before Thursday.  Our daughters have their visa physicals on Wednesday. 
Please pray:
--for the girls' health--that they receive a favorable physical result.
--that God comforts them as they receive numerous immunizations, etc.
--that the DNA results prove Mr. Pierre is their biological father
--that God continues to give peace to Mr. Pierre in the hospital
We've had some tough, unexpected news this week and it "crushed us in spirit."  Would you please pray for us as we walk through "the valley".....I'm thankful God tells us we will walk through and don't have to stay.

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; He delivers them from all their troubles.  The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.  A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken."
-Psalm 34:17-20
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me."
-Psalm 23:4
"Why are you so downcast, O my soul?  Why so disturbed within me?  Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise Him, my Savior and my God."
-Psalm 43:5
"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
-Jeremiah 29:11

Baby Steps

This afternoon we heard from the US Embassy that they'd received our DNA sample from the nurse.  They said they are prepared to ship it to the lab in the US with the next shipment. Although the finish line still seems miles away, I am happy that we are moving in a forward motion.

Happy Comment:  I am a HUGE fan of DHL after going through these adoptions.  They are the most dependable, trustworthy, speedy delivery service we've ever experienced.  Who else can deliver a package from Indiana on one afternoon and have it safely delivered in Port-au-Prince by the next morning?!  We have entrusted them with numerous, time-sensitive documents and they've exceeded our expectations every time.  I know I sound like an ad agency, but in the adoption world--if you find a bright spot with a flawless record, you gotta let other adoptive parents know!

DNA Trip

We were relieved to hear the news that the DNA trip was a success.  Instead of just one U.S. Embassy nurse, two showed up to take the trip!  In all, 5 people crammed in a car to take the long trip south to the hospital.  While there, the embassy nurses collected DNA and fingerprints from Mr. Pierre.  The nurses will take the sample back to the embassy next week and then it will be mailed to a lab in the U.S. for testing.
Our friend was able to speak with Mr. Pierre and he told our friend that he is very lonely at the hospital.  Previously he had an aunt and cousin who would visit him, but they have stopped coming and now he feels deserted.  We have tried numerous times to contact him, but his phone is always out of charge.  I think the fact that he is suffering from dementia related to his illness probably makes it very difficult for him to make calls or to understand when we are calling him.  Please pray that God comforts him and fills his room with His presence.

We celebrated a birthday today, and as I was putting away the decorations, I thought to myself, "I wonder if the next time I get out the balloons and streamers it will be for Ellie's birthday?"  I think waiting, adoptive parents sometimes measure things by holidays and family celebrations....Will our daughters be here by Thanksgiving?  By her birthday?  Should I expect them in time for Easter?  I thought I'd gotten to the point where I'd stopped doing that (or at least admitting it out loud.)  I was looking in a catalog today at princess costumes and I found myself wondering....."Will they be here by Halloween?"  I guess I'm still measuring...  

Mama Blanc

Marialyn took this photo of my sleepy girls after their US Embassy interview

My daughters had their interview at the US Embassy and, from our attorney's account, it went very well.  It was no surprise to us the hear that Kate was her usual, chatty, sunshiny-self during the meeting.  The officer asked my girls where they were living before their dad became sick, where they are living now, what happened to their mother in the earthquake.  The officer also asked if they knew the names of their new parents and Kate said, "Blancs!"  In Creole, this means "whites" :-) 
In Haiti, if you are "white", you will often-times be referred to as "the white."  I'm sure that the people around our daughters refer to us as the "blancs" so it's natural to assume our girls have learned that as our name.  Lots of moms who have adopted their children from Haiti are called "Mama Blanc."  As long as there is a "Mama" in there somewhere, I'm happy!
Kate also showed the officers a photo she has of us and they told her that her parents are beautiful.  I was relieved to hear that only because I hope it provided some comfort and affirmation for my daughters.  The officers told our attorney that Kate and Ellie are "beautiful girls" which leads me to believe they were satisfied with the results of their interview.  I would have loved to be present to see how someone "interviews" children ages 3 and 5!
The DNA trip is set up and ready to go.  There are 4 people going in a Jeep to Mr. Pierre's hospital: the driver/owner of the Jeep, our friend, his older brother, and an Embassy nurse to take the sample.  Please pray that their trip goes smoothly and that God protects them.
We have had no news about Mr. Pierre's present health.  We know that he continues to decline, but due to his dementia and illness, he can no longer speak on the phone.  Though we can't see him, we know that GOD sees him and so we pray each day for His loving care and provision for Mr. Pierre.

Hurricane Katia has shifted course as of this morning, so please pray it does not veer towards Haiti.

Perseverance

Paved road in the mountains--most roads to the hospital are dirt and are treacherous

The embassy has asked us to arrange a car and courier to go to Mr. Pierre's hospital (4 hrs away in the mountains) to retrieve a DNA sample from him.  A dear friend of ours has made the difficult arrangements, and we are praying it goes smoothly.  Our girls have an appointment to have their DNA swabs and also be questioned by embassy officers.  Can you imagine what a 3 and 5 yr old would say during an embassy interview??  My Kate said, "We are going to go to the embassy to answer questions and then I'm going to see my mom!"  How can you explain governmental delay to a 5 yr. old?
Please pray: Kate and Ellie have a successful interview and DNA swab, our friend has a safe trip to the hospital and back to PaP, the embassy works quickly to process the remainder of our case, God protects Haiti from further hurricanes (Hurricane Katia just turned north and will miss Haiti)
Trying to persevere: James 1:2-6 

Three Ring Circus

The past two weeks have been a flurry of activity: phone calls and e-mails to the staffs of senators and congressmen, US Embassy and consulate in PaP, Hurricane Irene preventing communication to Haiti, etc.  I am worn out.  My neck is aching and I had the worst headache I've ever had today.  We're hanging on by a thread and feel like this process is consuming us.  It's so kind when people ask how the process is going and when we will have the girls home.....but the past few days, when the questions come, it's impossible to muster even a smile or to even summon the energy to talk about it.  My voice has taken on a monotone.  We are waiting to see if the US Embassy will pursue a DNA test, which will add on weeks...perhaps a month or more.  At this point, I'm not even allowing myself to imagine a date.....September? December?  I don't know......I just know that I haven't spoken to my sweet girls since March and I haven't seen them (or even new photos) since February.....this is unbearably painful. 
Thank you for all of the kind notes, calls and prayers.  Thank you, Sofia, for the beautiful bracelet you made for me; I think of your sister and my daughters every time I look at it.  Thank you, Hailey, for the wonderful outgrown clothes (and tap shoes!) that you gave to Kate and Ellie...they will love wearing your pretties.  The list could go on and on.....  I am thankful for my family and friends who have been coming alongside of us during this time of trial.  Thank you for crying with us, venting frustration and just being there...like Job's friends:

 "When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Namathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.  When they saw him from a distance, they could barely recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.  Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.  No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was."  --Job 2:11-13